How to Start Over When You Feel Too Far Gone (You're Not)

If you don't recognize yourself in your body right now, I need you to hear this. There is hope. A hundred and ten percent. You're not behind, and you're not too far gone.

I know how heavy that feeling gets. When people get really low about their body, they stop caring. They go face down. Why even try? And honestly, that's the hardest place to sit, because nothing moves from there. So let's move you.

Too far gone is a feeling, not a fact.

A feeling is not a fact

In my program we work with feelings. We acknowledge them, and we use them to our benefit. But you need the discernment to say: this is clearly a feeling, and this is clearly a fact.

You feeling too far gone is you feeling. It's not that I don't care. It matters where you're at. But the program doesn't ask how you felt about it. If you put sticks together and light a fire, it doesn't matter how you feel about the fire. If you build a house, it takes certain steps. That's the reality of the physical world. The actions will always yield a result.

There is no section in a training program, or in science, called “but how did you feel before?” The science is the science, and you can have faith in that.

Habit research says the same thing in calmer words: repeat a simple action in the same setting, and it becomes automatic, close to effortless. The feeling of “I'm someone who does this” shows up after the repetitions, not before. (Gardner, Lally & Wardle, British Journal of General Practice, 2012)

Let go of the heavy stuff

You can let go of your fear, your anger, that scared feeling, the “f*** it, why even try.” Those emotions are real, and they're heavy. They won't change the physical, but they clog everything up.

There's often a lot underneath: self-doubt, resentment, the feeling that you've lost time. Some of those thoughts are almost laughable when you look at them. Some feel so true in the moment. You're on a roller coaster. That's normal, and it isn't a verdict on you.

Being gentle with yourself here isn't soft. In a pooled analysis of 15 samples, people with more self-compassion reported more of the healthy habits: eating well, exercising, sleeping and handling stress. (Sirois, Kitner & Hirsch, Health Psychology, 2015)

How weight changes how you feel

When I was at 175, there was a lot going on in my body. Extra weight changes you on a chemical level: what you eat, the surplus you carry, whether it came from a pregnancy or from life just happening. Once you understand that, you understand where some of these feelings and thoughts are coming from. They're not the real you.

The research runs both ways too. A review of longitudinal studies found that obesity raised the later risk of depression, and depression raised the later risk of obesity: body and mood feed each other. (Luppino et al., Archives of General Psychiatry, 2010) Which is exactly why we don't pick only one side.

Work both sides at once

We play both sides of the fence at the same time. On one side, the system that gets the weight off: the gym, the training, the nutrition. On the other, the self-talk, the limiting beliefs, the emotions. You can do so much work on one side, but you can't neglect the other.

Think of your bicep and your tricep. Opposing muscles, both still muscles, both needed to make your arm bigger. The tricep has three heads, the bicep has two. Everyone's flexing the bicep in the mirror, but the tricep is working behind the scenes, and it makes your arm bigger overall. Your inner work is your tricep.

Train what nobody sees. It shows up anyway.

Know the why

I draw a lot of parallels in my coaching, because when you understand the concept, you can justify the actions. And the actions are boring. You're not going to feel some type of way doing them. But when you can justify them, you have a way easier time sticking to the program and doing what actually needs to get done.

It's the science of achievement and the art of fulfillment. You can do the science of achievement all day long, but if you don't like what you're doing, you'll build a life you hate. Pay attention to your fulfillment and your emotions; they all matter. Just don't let your feelings get in the way of the experiments that move you forward.

That lines up with a review of 66 studies: people who exercise for reasons they own, because they value it or enjoy it, exercise more, and enjoyment was the better sign of sticking with it long term. (Teixeira et al., International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity, 2012)

Be the source of what you seek

I'm not going to gatekeep any of this. Your health is something you'll carry for a lifetime, so I want you to understand what's actually going on in it. When you're educated, you move from a place of power. And people in places of power tend to be much happier.

If you'd rather someone build it all for you so you just show up, I get it. I love that treatment too. I don't want to DIY everything in my life either. You can have both: the knowledge to run it yourself, and people in your corner when you want them.

You're not too far gone. You're at the start. The best time to begin is now, while you still remember why you wanted this.