How to Build Momentum When You Keep Falling Off

Two weeks on, four weeks off. Three days on, and then you totally forget you were even starting a new habit. Does that sound like you? If it does, sit down and stay here, because we need to have a chat about this one.

If you keep starting and stopping, it's because you're all or nothing. You're on, then you're off. You have two settings, black and white. And that right there is the first thing we deal with.

Lower the bar for giving yourself credit, and keep the promise you can actually keep.

Quiet the voice that shames you

There's a voice in there that shames you whenever you're not on all the way. First thing we do: we take that voice, we put it in the corner, and we tell it to sit down and stop talking, because we don't want to hear from it right now.

Then we start practising something new. And this part is honestly fun.

Once a week counts

I've been using this one forever, and it really works. Pick your thing and do it once a week. That's it. The gym once a week. When it's done, it's done, and you move on with your day. You don't try to overachieve. If you did it once this week, you won, and you get to feel that: I did the thing.

Here's why. When you're all or nothing, you go all out, push yourself a ton, then fall off, because that pace isn't something you can keep. Then you feel like sh**, and you stop. We still want you playing full out. We just want to lower the bar for giving yourself credit, for saying, “You did a good job. I see you. That was the right move.”

What's really under it: your self-talk

If we look under the all-or-nothing cycle, what's usually there is self-talk that's beating you up. Otherwise you wouldn't swing from everything to nothing. You'd keep showing up. And the main reason people stop showing up is that someone in there is being mean to them.

When you start working on yourself, one of the first things you realize is: I'm everywhere I go. That can be annoying, and I think it's a healthy place to be. It means you're finally looking at what's actually happening, including the times you're the one making things harder for yourself. It's a hard pill to swallow. But the moment you admit it is the moment you give yourself the freedom to move forward.

Do what you can maintain

So how do we turn this around? We start doing what we can actually maintain.

I know that's hard, because I know the drive you have. You want greatness. I get it, I've been there. You don't want to accept that once is good enough, because you want six times, seven times. You've got a vision, you know what it takes, and you don't want to give yourself an out. So when you're scraping by, the voice starts: who do you think you are, you need to be so much better, none of this counts.

That self-talk is terrible. And it's exactly what keeps the cycle going.

Treat yourself like a beginner

In the beginning, you have to treat yourself like a little puppy. A puppy doesn't understand anything yet. No knowledge. Brain empty. Just learning. When you look at it like that, it's so much easier to be patient.

When we grow up, a lot of us forget we still have a kid inside. Then we treat ourselves like an adult who should know everything, and every mistake is proof we're terrible because “we know better.” There's no space to learn. And that rubs off on everyone around you, on you, and on your goals, until you're stuck.

Picture a puppy that shows up ready to learn, gets it wrong, and then feels guilty and sad. You don't want that puppy. You want the one with courage. So you celebrate the small things: “Good job. You did the right thing one time. That means you can do it again.”

To know and not to do is not yet to know.

If you're not doing it consistently yet, you don't really know it yet. So treat yourself like a baby learning to walk. A baby who stumbles usually isn't even hurt, until everyone around makes it a big deal. Same with you. You went to the gym once this week. Do you need to go six times? No. You set your bare minimum, you kept the promise, and you move on.

Small things build momentum

Getting momentum is the hard part, and it's the small things that matter. The slip-ups and the days you didn't show up barely need to be acknowledged. Notice them if you want, then let them go.

Once you have momentum, everything comes easier. You start figuring things out. Keeping the promise to yourself gets easier, and so many other things in your life get easier with it. Keeping momentum is its own topic, and that one's for another time.

Start now with the tracker

If you want to start this right now, there's a mini tracker inside my free guide, The Last Time You Start Over. Print it off, or use it on your tablet, whatever works best. That way you have the real data in front of you, and you can see yourself keeping those small promises. This is the start of your momentum.